"Heartiversary"

A year ago today I woke up with so many emotions..... Where had the time gone? Was this truly the day of Paislyn's LAST open heart surgery?? It sounds weird but I had anxiously awaited this day....... That morning I was nervous, sad, anxious, worried, yet peaceful, excited, and ready..... 3 years ago when the doctors told us our little girl needed to have 3 open heart surgeries it felt like a mountain we would never get over...... Well we did!!! Paislyn was excited that morning.... Poor thing had no idea what was about to happen, but I had prayed peace over her for a very long time. As her momma I was also going through another hard time in my life and what seemed like a losing battle between that and Pays surgery was nothing for God! HE knew what we were up against and HE was in control! As I handed my baby over to the surgeons for the LAST time ..... I felt a peace, an indescribable peace!!!! I didn't just hand my baby over to the doctors... I placed Paislyn in Gods hands and let him carry her through ... And he did! Sometimes I can't fully describe what it feels like to watch your child go through this, unless you have walked this journey yourself you don't quite understand, but it doesn't matter... What matters is that you know that no matter the hardships in our lives, God is there, God is in control and God will bring you through it. I am no stronger than the next person, and honestly when people tell me they see such strength in me I want to laugh.... Many days I feel the complete opposite, but God is strong in me when I am weak!

So I sit here today on May 9th 2014..... I look at Paislyns incredible journey, I look at the people who LOVE and adore Paislyn, the peoples lives she has touched, the thousands of people who have prayed for her and who know exactly who my miss Pay is, and I am overwhelmed! God knew exactly what he was doing.... He took me as young, backward, at times selfish, 22 year old girl and brought me flat on my face before God, and asked the question... "Do you TRUST me?"  He knew how much that tiny little 5lb 14 oz baby girl meant to me , he knew what it would take to grow my faith, he knew that no matter what I wouldn't give up on her and knew he wouldn't either.... He knew that from that day forward Paislyn Nicole Metzger would change my life, my faith, and so many others as well!!!

Paislyns journey is not over, she has a wonderful, full, and amazing life to live. She could always need repairs along the way , but I CHOOSE to BELIEVE and TRUST God the whole way through! God has incredible plans for Paislyn's life! She is healthy, full of life, so smart, STRONG WILLED, beautiful,  and loves Jesus so very much! Paislyn has her first dance recital next week and that is a huge blessing and will be extremely emotional for me as well.  She has mounds of energy, she's PERFECT on her height and weight chart for her age, her oxygen is now at 94-96% (use to be low 70's) , she runs, plays, and interacts like any other 3 year old. These things might seem silly to some people...... But some "heart kids" don't see these accomplishments.... When Paislyn's amazing, yet very BLUNT cardiologist told me a few months back , "Paislyn is a success story"... I about burst into tears.... Coming from him that meant the world to me! She is a SUCCESS story!!! And today we CELEBRATE a year after her last open heart surgery.....We celebrate Paislyns LIFE, we celebrate Gods grace and mercy, we celebrate for every "heart child" around the world!

THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO HAS PRAYED FOR PAISLYN AND MYSELF, WHO HAS LOVED US UNCONDITIONALLY, WHO HAS HEARD ME CRY, WHOS HUGGED ME, CALLED ME, MESSAGED ME, GAVE US MONEY, AND WHO HAS BEEN APART OF PAISLYNS JOURNEY AND OUR LIVES!!! We LOVE you all so much and truly couldn't of done it with out you guys!!!


Here are some verses that helped me along the way and still do :


"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
plans to give you hope and a future. "     Jeremiah 29:11

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”      Joshua 1:9

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. "     Romans 15:13

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”     John 16:33

CHD Awareness Week

Well it's that time again... CHD Awareness Week <3... Three years ago I wasn't even aware of the number of people and families that were affected by heart disease. Not until I held my beautiful baby girl for the first time and heard the words "Your daughter has Hypo Plastic Right Heart Syndrome", then it became very real and I became very aware of how many people have gone through or are going through the same thing I did.  Nearly one of every 100 babies are born with a CHD. Each year over 1,000,000 babies are born worldwide with a congenital heart defect. 100,000 of them will not live to see their first birthday and thousands more die before they reach adulthood. Although those are heart wrenching facts, there is something great that outweighs the bad...... We serve an AMAZING God. Never did I imagine I would have a baby born with half of a heart, but I can say.. I'm Blessed that I did. That might sound crazy to some people, but for me it's very simple.... I wouldn't be who I am today if it weren't for my faith and my world to be rocked 3 years ago. I was forced to give every fear, hurt, question, doubt, and worry to the Lord. I needed to lay my sweet Paislyn into God's hands and let him have the control. There are so many things I have learned from having a child with a CHD.... I have learned that each and every child is a miracle from God. Having a healthy child is such a gift that some people take for granted. No matter how big or how small all of us have went through a "mountain" in our lives that has caused us worry, hurt, and questions. We need to have compassion to everyone in all of their situations. I learned that the hard way.... There were many days that I was sitting in the hospital watching my little lady fight for her life, having her hooked up to tubes, iv's, machines, oxygen, her teeny tiny chest cut open, and hearing others complain about their child having to get shots at their doctors appointment that day... I felt angry...Like how can you complain about that when I am sitting here watching my daughter go through all this. It wasn't until months to follow that I understood.... Shots are a big deal!!! If I had a perfectly healthy baby I would be a mess to watch them have to have shots too... During Paislyn's last surgery at Michigan I was pushing her down to the cafeteria to get some food.... She had her cute little robe on, her adorable piggy tails, she still had an iv and tubes in her chest but was talking my ear off and feeling well... we came out of the elevator and there in front of us was a mom pushing her little girl in a wheelchair who seemed to be right around Paislyn's age, this little girl had no hair and a mask on her sweet little face and her head was drooped down. I immediately got tears in my eyes and thanked God in that moment for Paislyn's CHD... I thanked him for guiding the Doctors to be able to  "fix" my baby girl...... because this mommy couldn't do what that mommy was going through. It was at that moment that I realized no matter what we are going through or have went through someone is going through something harder.... but no matter if its something little like shots or something Big like a child with a CHD or cancer....God hears our hurts and they hurt all the same. We need to give people grace and compassion in every situation.
 So this month is Congenital Heart Disease awareness month and this has become very near and dear to my heart. As Paislyn has gotten older she has asked more questions about her "pretty" ( her scar) and looks at her surgery pictures a lot. We have read books about her scar and I have told her how beautiful it is.  I continue to remind her how special she is and how God made her heart special. There are so many amazing people I have met over the years who have been on the same journey we have. God has made each and everyone of these kids so strong and special. I want to thank everyone who has loved Paislyn and I through this journey its been a tad crazy and overwhelming at times, but I look at my spunky, sweet, smart, beautiful and loving Paislyn and I wouldn't change a thing! She's been such a gift in my life and through her trials she has touched so many hearts!