We're back?????

I'm not exactly sure how I feel at this moment..... Sad, worried, confused, happy, safe, secure, scared, angry........ Lots of emotions in my heart tonight. Five days ago I brought Paislyn home from Motts Children's Hospital thinking it would be the LAST time we would have to see or spend the night at that hospital...... Well we're back. Last night Paislyn was doing this little shallow breathing thing, she had done it before in the hospital so I thought It was  just due to her chest hurting for surgery. Well this morning she was doing it again and was crying.... I asked her to take deep big breaths for me and her answer was.... " mommy I can't breathe"..... Something you never want to hear your child say :( I ran her down stairs and then straight to the ER. Her oxygen saturations were in the 60's and 70's ... Not good at all. They immediately started doing chest X-rays and Iv's and giving Pay oxygen..... My world was falling apart at that moment. Is this really happening right now??? They called Michigan and got a plan together that I felt comfortable with.... They were going to intubate her so she was getting good enough breath which I was okay with.... I then heard them say life flight?? Paislyn needed to be life flighted to Michigan? My heart was breaking.... Why was this happening? Paislyn was perfectly fine a couple days ago .... Well here's what happened Paislyn has accrued a huge amount of fluid around her right lung. So much that she was not breathing correctly. They couldnt bring a helicopter because of the weather so they brought a U of M jet to get my baby. I wasn't allowed to ride with her which almost gave me a panic attack but was so blessed that my Pastor Randy Davis was going to sit with Paislyn until she left so I could get headed to Michigan. Pastor Randy not only sat with Paislyn but followed her to the airport and took pictures and comforted her when I wasn't there! I am so blessed by him! My family was right by my side and we headed to Michigan to meet my airborne lady! When they arrived They inserted a chest tube and TONS of fluid came out! I can't believe all what was in my baby's chest :( I felt guilty I didn't take her in sooner ........ I am so blessed that we are at U of M though... It's an incredible hospital :) but my heart is heavy.... I can't say there is much harder then to watch your child hurt, it hurts in ways you didn't know we're possible. As I watch my beautiful blessing laying on the table with a vent breathing for her it brings tears to my eyes. Tonight I have went to the place of why..... Why does my sweet little girl who has already been through so much have to continuing to feel pain and hurt? It's not fair....yes, I went there...but I can't stay there. I know why God has allowed Paislyn to go through what she has and I'm so thankful for everyone who is praying for Paislyn and who loves her so much and who have honestly walked this journey right along with us. It's been tough and although we've had a little set back I know Paislyn will OVERCOME and come out even better than she was before.... The world better watch out for Paislyn Nicole because God has plans for her that even I can't comprehend. Paislyn told me that " Jesus sat beside her during her surgery" and I know he hasn't left her side. I've cried a lot today, but tomorrow will be a better day :) I have a lot to smile about :) thank you all for continuing to pray for Pay... You don't know how much the encouraging words, messages, txt, phone calls mean.... God has placed you all in our lives for a reason. I'm not giving up, I'm fighting this fight with my baby girl and we WILL get through this:) she's my inspiration and I love her more than anything in this entire world..........please listen to Lord I Need You by Matt Maher... It's gotten me through a lot and is my cry to The Lord.....

http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=N-KM_zpwfr4&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DN-KM_zpwfr4

Mothers Day:)

Happy Mothers Day to all the mommies out there! I had a GREAT Mother's Day today. I wouldn't of changed a thing. My baby girl got me a pink coffee mug that said " Mom you Rock" and a very sweet card, also ( from my parents) a picture frame with our picture in it and candy and a sweet card, I got an Oragami Owl necklace from my mom and dad, and a beautiful heart necklace from my sister and brother in law! I was BEYOND BLESSED! The best gift of all was seeing my sweet Paislyn walk and play with her cousins today. As exhausted as I am I was so happy and excited to see her just WALK! I can't believe she had open heart surgery 4 days ago!!!! This journey has been crazy..... I look back at my blog from Pays last surgery and ya my life was different.... Different dynamics than this time around but it's crazy how God shows up on the scene of my life right when I need him. No matter the trial big or small God is there. I can't imagine going through a harder time in my life than i am right now and I want everyone to know....... I FEEL PEACE...peace that only comes from my Heavenly Father...peace that God has filled my heart with.

Today Paislyn has gotten her central chest tube removed, she also got her pacer wires removed. She is no longer hooked up to an IV, however she still has her IV in her neck so they can draw blood instead of poking her. Paislyn has walked for the first time today , and walked ALOT! She has played in the play room today for a long time with her cousins and smiled a lot today. She also has eaten a little bit today which is awesome! God is so good!! Pay is still very sore which is to be expected duh... Lol but I still hate seeing her hurt:( she is being such a big girl though and I am beyond proud of her! WE ARE ALMOST DONE!!!!! Almost done with the last surgery:) it's a feeling I can't explain :) good things are ahead in mine and Paislyns life...... I feel a peace about what God is trying to do In my life and ready for where he leads us! I couldn't be a happier or prouder momma today on Mother's Day! I have so much to be thankful for :) my baby girl is my world, and the best gift I have ever been given was on August 24th 2010 when I was given the gift of being a mommy :) please keep praying for a smooth recovery!!! :) love my lady!

I am one happy momma! Actually let me rephrase that ....... I am one BLESSED momma! God has shown me time and time again that when we rely completely on him and put our trust completely in him he will always provide. And he has provided a miracle in my sweet Paislyn. I have so many feelings in me but the most overwhelming one is THANKFULNESS:) I am so thankful that this is Paislyns last open heart surgery! WE ARE DONE!! As Paislyns surgeon came out to tell us she was done I couldn't hold back the tears..... We had done it, we have climbed the huge mountain that always seemed to big to even think about going over and it was that moment of relief and thanksgiving....God had brought my baby through not one, not two, but three open heart surgeries! As I sit back and think about the day when the doctor told me that my almost 3 week old baby probably wouldn't survive Her first surgery and see how far we have come I have only 3 words to say.......GOD IS GOOD! We've been given a gift, well many gifts through out this journey..... I have the most amazing little girl a mom could ask for, these amazing doctors have "fixed" my babies heart so she is able to live a full life, but my most important gift is this.... I have encountered God in a way that I would have never been able to if I had not been on this journey. God has made me fall flat on my face and put all my trust in him more times than I was ever prepared for. I have learned that Gods love and grace and mercy is more than we will ever need. He tells us if we fully rely and trust in him he will provide for our needs and wow he has done that for me!!!! Even in the small things God is there..... I can't tell you how happy my heart is!

Today Paislyn is doing great! She is not even 24 hours post op and she has been on the regular Peds floor since 11:30 this morning! She has been such a trooper:) late last night she got her vent(breathing tube) removed and this morning she got her folly (catheter) removed, her arterial line, and her IV that went straight to her heart :) She is suppose to get another one removed tomorrow :) I am so thankful for how well she has done! She was really thirsty and drank lots of water and apple juice but other than that she has pretty much just rested all day today, which is good :) She's such a strong little girl! I LOVE her so much! Thanks again for everyone's prayers! Continue to please pray peace over the "hospital stay" with our circumstances but I know God has that in his hands too :) I am a very thankful, happy, and Blessed Mommy :)

A Mommy's Heart

I'm going to start out by saying I TRUST GOD!!!!! But tonight my heart hurts ...... I am overwhelmed to think about my sweet Paislyn Nicole going through another open heart surgery on Thursday. I look into her beautiful big brown eyes and I couldn't love someone or something more than I do that little girl. She has changed my life more than I ever thought it could. I know there is so much prayer over Paislyn and we couldn't be more BLESSED to have friends and family who love us so much and who have supported us in so many ways. I am so thankful tonight for the doctors who are able to "fix" my baby girls heart and I'm so thankful that we will be at one of the best hospitals. I just am not looking forward to handing my sweet baby girl over...... Although Paislyns heart is not perfect anatomy wise it is perfect in my eyes.... She has the sweetest most loving heart. In the moments where she is playing and just looks up and says, " Mommy I love you so much" or when I am getting ready in the morning and she says, " Mommy you are beautiful" or when all she wants to do is sing "God of Angel Armies" or read " Jonah in the whales belly" in her Bible, or when I asked her if she wanted to bring her Dora book to the hospital the other day and she said, " No mommy I just want to bring my Bible.... It's those moments that take my breath away. Paislyn is such a beautiful little girl inside and out. She loves EVERYONE and is such a love bug. God is going to use her for BIG things someday, I am sure of it!!! But for right now...... Inside my "mommy heart" I'm struggling...... I'm being very honest and I'm overwhelmed at what all is going on in my life and thinking about my baby girl in surgery kills me. But this is what I KNOW.........God watched over my tiny 6 week old Paislyn in her first open heart surgery, He watched over my chunky 7 month old Paislyn in her second open heart surgery and WILL watch over my sweet and spunky 2 year old in her third open heart surgery! I am asking that everyone please keep flooding heaven with prayers for my baby girl and for peace in my heart :) I know everything will be ok and God has this all in control! I am trusting him with all things and especially my little girl! I ended my night putting my baby girl to bed and her asking me to sing God of Angel Armies with her........ I'm not sure it gets much sweeter......

As you are praying for Paislyn please join me in praying for baby Christian as he will be having his second open heart surgery the same day as Paislyns, please lift up his parents Hunter and Ashly Pauly as their hearts feel just like mine. Christian is an adorable and sweet little boy and God will protect him through his journey as well! I can't wait to meet this family someday! They are pretty amazing!!

Thank you all for everything you have done...So many people have Blessed me during this process in ways I do not deserve. You are all truly amazing and again I don't know where we would be with out the constant prayer from everyone. Thank YOU for PRAYING FOR PAISLYN :) She will always be my LITTLE MISS MIRACLE :)

"Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer. From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe."  Psalm 61:1-3

http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=qOkImV2cJDg&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch

3Fv%3DqOkImV2cJDg

"God of Angel Armies"