We're back?????

I'm not exactly sure how I feel at this moment..... Sad, worried, confused, happy, safe, secure, scared, angry........ Lots of emotions in my heart tonight. Five days ago I brought Paislyn home from Motts Children's Hospital thinking it would be the LAST time we would have to see or spend the night at that hospital...... Well we're back. Last night Paislyn was doing this little shallow breathing thing, she had done it before in the hospital so I thought It was  just due to her chest hurting for surgery. Well this morning she was doing it again and was crying.... I asked her to take deep big breaths for me and her answer was.... " mommy I can't breathe"..... Something you never want to hear your child say :( I ran her down stairs and then straight to the ER. Her oxygen saturations were in the 60's and 70's ... Not good at all. They immediately started doing chest X-rays and Iv's and giving Pay oxygen..... My world was falling apart at that moment. Is this really happening right now??? They called Michigan and got a plan together that I felt comfortable with.... They were going to intubate her so she was getting good enough breath which I was okay with.... I then heard them say life flight?? Paislyn needed to be life flighted to Michigan? My heart was breaking.... Why was this happening? Paislyn was perfectly fine a couple days ago .... Well here's what happened Paislyn has accrued a huge amount of fluid around her right lung. So much that she was not breathing correctly. They couldnt bring a helicopter because of the weather so they brought a U of M jet to get my baby. I wasn't allowed to ride with her which almost gave me a panic attack but was so blessed that my Pastor Randy Davis was going to sit with Paislyn until she left so I could get headed to Michigan. Pastor Randy not only sat with Paislyn but followed her to the airport and took pictures and comforted her when I wasn't there! I am so blessed by him! My family was right by my side and we headed to Michigan to meet my airborne lady! When they arrived They inserted a chest tube and TONS of fluid came out! I can't believe all what was in my baby's chest :( I felt guilty I didn't take her in sooner ........ I am so blessed that we are at U of M though... It's an incredible hospital :) but my heart is heavy.... I can't say there is much harder then to watch your child hurt, it hurts in ways you didn't know we're possible. As I watch my beautiful blessing laying on the table with a vent breathing for her it brings tears to my eyes. Tonight I have went to the place of why..... Why does my sweet little girl who has already been through so much have to continuing to feel pain and hurt? It's not fair....yes, I went there...but I can't stay there. I know why God has allowed Paislyn to go through what she has and I'm so thankful for everyone who is praying for Paislyn and who loves her so much and who have honestly walked this journey right along with us. It's been tough and although we've had a little set back I know Paislyn will OVERCOME and come out even better than she was before.... The world better watch out for Paislyn Nicole because God has plans for her that even I can't comprehend. Paislyn told me that " Jesus sat beside her during her surgery" and I know he hasn't left her side. I've cried a lot today, but tomorrow will be a better day :) I have a lot to smile about :) thank you all for continuing to pray for Pay... You don't know how much the encouraging words, messages, txt, phone calls mean.... God has placed you all in our lives for a reason. I'm not giving up, I'm fighting this fight with my baby girl and we WILL get through this:) she's my inspiration and I love her more than anything in this entire world..........please listen to Lord I Need You by Matt Maher... It's gotten me through a lot and is my cry to The Lord.....

http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=N-KM_zpwfr4&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DN-KM_zpwfr4