Oh the emotions........

Well we have been home and successfully STAYED home for 9 days now!!! Praise God! Paislyn went back to the cardiologist yesterday and they said she looked great! She got a chest x-ray and it was perfect... NO FLUID! That is such an answer to prayer and I am so thankful, God has watched over and protected Pay! However it has been a very emotion filled week for both Paislyn and I..... Paislyn has been very emotional.... She cries very easily and is so fearful to go to bed. She has been waking up screaming "no don't touch me" and other things in the middle of the night and it's breaking my heart. The last couple nights she fights and fights to go to bed because I am sure she is fearful of the unknown, she's been though so much. As many of you know my sweet little has never been a good sleeper.... I blame it on the numerous hospital stays, but who really knows. Ever since Paislyn was born she has gotten up at least 3 times a night..... It's been hard because her and I are both tired... I hate it for Paislyn because I know she needs and requires sleep, she's like a different little girl when she gets good sleep. But what I hate the most is to see how extremely emotion filled Paislyn is now..... The last couple nights have drained me both physically and emotionally..... As Pay wakes up screaming and crying..... I hold her and cry with her..... I lay my hands on her and ask God to fill her with the peace that only he can, I ask him to comfort her and reassure her she is safe and loved, I ask God to bless her each and everyday and show her his unfading love for her. But it's hard on a mommy..... I also ask the questions like "hasn't she been through enough?" "Why can't she at least sleep peacefully and not be scared?" But I know God has walked us carefully through each step of this process and has had each detail worked out to the good of Paislyn and I and I know he won't stop now. Paislyn freaked out going to the doctor yesterday..... She cried and pleaded with my mom and I that she didn't want any " Iv's or pokes or ouchies"...... Do you blame her? No.... But again it's hard to way as her mommy...... I want to take every fear or anxious thought she has from her, I want to take the pain she's received or remembered from her, I want to make sure she knows that she is safe and protected and most of all..... I want her to be filled with peace and be a beautiful fun little girl! I want her to run and play, sing and dance which she loves to do, I want to watch her learn new things, I want to see her grow to love and lean on God in all things :) Paislyns journey isn't over.... The hardest parts are over, but only God knows what's ahead for Paislyn. I have to remember that he loves Paislyn more than I do, which seems unimaginable. Sooo.... Being honest as Paislyns mommy the last weeks been hard..... At times it's been very overwhelming to know how to deal with all that Paislyn has inside of her.... Battling her emotions, her two year old fits ;), her fears and anxieties has been hard and frustrating for me at times. I also have a very spoiled little girl on my hands ....... Which I'm not complaining about because she deserves everything she's ever received, however I now need to find a balance for discipline because I love her .......of course there has been moments I've let her run the show because she's been in and put of hospitals and how do you get upset at a child with tubes coming out of their chest...... You don't....... So I guess right now I'm asking for more prayer... Please pray for Paislyn as she figures out all the emotions she has inside her and pray for Gods peace to invade her heart! Pray that she starts to sense the peace of being home and not having to go back to the hospital! Pray for guidance for this mommy as I try and continue to guide Paislyn to be the sweet and spunky little girl that God has called her to be. I know God has huge plans for Paislyn and I hope and pray God fills her heart with peace , love, and joy for the rest of her life! She's my world and I'm so thankful and blessed to be her mommy :)

I found this quote in my parenting devotional today and love what is says :)

"Our love grows soft if it is not strengthened by truth, and our truth grows hard if it is not softened by love." -- John Stott. 

"Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ. "      Ephesians 4:15

Home Sweet Home :)

It's that time .... Again .... We get to go HOME :) as WONDERFUL  as this hospital is and as WONDERFUL as every nurse is we are so ready to be home. I am so thankful for a hospital that is so amazing and everyone in it who loves my Paislyn. They will forever be in our hearts :) we have also made friends with families here from all around the world literally :) Paislyn has fallen in love with a little boy who is a year and a half old and his name is Mohomad, Paislyn however calls him "Ohamad" :) his family is from Lebanon and just his mommy is here in the states with him to figure out why his kidneys aren't working and he isn't growing properly. He is a precious , happy little boy and has a sweet mommy too whom I have enjoyed talking to and learning about her culture. People are here from all different religions, all walks of life..... But what brings us together is our precious little kids need to be healed :) please continue to pray from Mohomad and his family:) Also please kep praying for Jaedyn. We first met Jaedyn during Paislyns 2nd open heart surgery and Jaedyns 1st open heart surgery. Jaedyn just had her 3rd here last week and is in the ouchy stage :) She is a beautiful red haired spunky little girl , please continue to pray for her snd her family! Along with all of the friends we have met I honestly can't say enough of these nurses. I want to say thank you to everyone who is a nurse in any field, but it takes a special nurse to love on these children even in their very frustrating moments .... Examples ... Paislyn greeting them with "what are you doing in here?" Or " bye ma'am poo poo head" or " NOOOOO ( with a finger pointed in their face). " they just love her even more lol.... I am SO THANKFUL!!!
I don't even know how to begin to thank EVERYONE who has bought or sent Paislyn gifts, given us money, gift cards, love and encouragement, prayers, hugs, cards, food, and who have truly LOVED us though this process..... You all don't honestly understand what a HUGE part of this journey you have been. It's so amazing to me that I have had such support. At a time in my life where my world has been rocked... God brought to me the most firm foundation of support and love from everyone. He gave me a peace that surpasses all understanding, he brought friends and family in my life that have encouraged me and helped me so much, God has met EVERY and I mean every need of mine since the day we arrived. And I ask myself....... How or why do I every doubt God? Why fear the unknown, when God knows all.... He has my life and Paislyns life all figured out and he is a WONDERFUL person to have it all figured out. Paislyns journey does not end here...... Paislyn has and always will have Congenitial Heart Disease. Her heart has been "fixed".... But her future will always have heart doctors involved :) I BELIEVE God has such amazing plans for my girl. Paislyn has developed a LOVE for Doctors and "doing bitals" on everyone, listening with her "telescope" to everyone's hearts and she says she wants to be a Doctor when she grows up :) well I can't tell you how amazing it would be to have a doctor like Paislyn with a testimony like she does. She can help fix children and tell them about the love, grace, and mercy of Jesus as she does :) God has transformed me throughout Paislyns journey..... I said when Paislyn was 6 weeks old, " If this is what it took for me to fall flat on my face and see and experience Jesus in a way I had never before than every moment of this journey has been worth it. " God is how I've gotten through this.......... My little baby who was not breathing on her own , oxygen levels falling into the 60's and they told me wouldn't survive her 1st open heart surgery...... Is a BEAUTIFUL, SMART, STRONG, SPUNKY, LOVING, 2 and a half year old with an oxygen level in the mid and high 90's!!!!!! :) that is GOD! She is nothing short of a miracle and I am beyond blessed to be her mommy :)
The nurses came into our room the other day when the superheroes where here at the hospital..... They asked Paislyn which one was her favorite superhero....... Her response was ..." My mommy is my favorite superhero." We all just looked at her , me fighting back tears of course :) She's never said anything like that before, but what she doesn't know is that she is and will forever be MY FAVORITE SUPERHERO ;)

We are going HOME!!!!! Praise the LORD!!!!! :) LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH!

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. "   Jeremiah 29:11

Today I got a pretty amazing surprise :) I got the greatest FaceTime call :) Today there was an amazing group of people who gathered together and had Team Paislyn T-shirts made and they walked in the 5k Color Blaze in Lima for my baby girl. My friend Shanda kept trying to FaceTime me and of course it was having trouble connecting..... But when it finally connected and I saw them all I immediately started crying. It took me by surprise and brought me such joy at the same time :) I couldn't believe all of those wonderful friends of mine came together to do something so selfless for my baby girl. I cry thinking about all the people who love Paislyn..... At how many people Paislyn has touched...it truly is incredible to me. I want to thank everyone that came and walked or ran for Pay today , I love you all soooo much and appreciate you all more than you know. It's so amazing how God has used each one of you in our lives and what a blessing each one of you are to me! You are all very special and loving people! I hope God blesses each one of you like you all have blessed me! Paislyn kept watching the video of all of you all saying " We love you Aubrey and Little Miss Miracle" over and over again saying "Go miracle" lol :)
On a totally different note....... I was thinking today, which you have lots of time to do in a hospital ha ha about how much God has worked in my life in the last 3 years. I was sitting talking to a heart mom in the playroom by myself today and as we were talking I said, " It's not really like me to just talk to people like I have been, Paislyn has really made me come out of my shell a lot." We'll for all of you that know Paislyn she is a people person and talks to everyone:) she played with like 5 new kids today in the playroom and I know God gave her the gift of loving and socializing with others for a reason..... However I was not given that gift :) Paislyn acts like my mom for All of you that no my mom haha they Are social butterflies :) but it made me sit back and think...... Of where I am now compared to where I was when Paislyn was first born... I wasn't strong enough to even stay alone in Paislyns room all night with her for her first surgery and sometimes now I look at the things I am doing and think wow thank you God for working in me to make me the strong mommy I need to be. I am more able to talk to people about Paislyn and other families and I know it's how God has worked in my life. He has given me a confidence in him and myself as a mommy of the most beautiful little girl who has Congential Heart Disease. Paislyns "special heart" has opened a lot of doors for me to meet a lot of "special people". I have been surrounded with so many heart families and friends and my family for support it is truly overwhelming at times. I mean do I really deserve all of this love and support??? It doesn't feel like it at times but WOW :) it's pretty awesome to see and feel! I can say this.... I am the most BLESSED mommy in the world to the most beautiful Paislyn, I have the MOST INCREDIBLE mom and dad and entire family, the greatest Pastor and church family, the most amazing workplace, the most thoughtful friends, and the most amazing heart families and I am so excited about the peace I feel and the place my life is headed..... And all the glory goes to The Lord!!!  I love all of you!! Thank you for coming along side me in this journey!