Oh the emotions........

Well we have been home and successfully STAYED home for 9 days now!!! Praise God! Paislyn went back to the cardiologist yesterday and they said she looked great! She got a chest x-ray and it was perfect... NO FLUID! That is such an answer to prayer and I am so thankful, God has watched over and protected Pay! However it has been a very emotion filled week for both Paislyn and I..... Paislyn has been very emotional.... She cries very easily and is so fearful to go to bed. She has been waking up screaming "no don't touch me" and other things in the middle of the night and it's breaking my heart. The last couple nights she fights and fights to go to bed because I am sure she is fearful of the unknown, she's been though so much. As many of you know my sweet little has never been a good sleeper.... I blame it on the numerous hospital stays, but who really knows. Ever since Paislyn was born she has gotten up at least 3 times a night..... It's been hard because her and I are both tired... I hate it for Paislyn because I know she needs and requires sleep, she's like a different little girl when she gets good sleep. But what I hate the most is to see how extremely emotion filled Paislyn is now..... The last couple nights have drained me both physically and emotionally..... As Pay wakes up screaming and crying..... I hold her and cry with her..... I lay my hands on her and ask God to fill her with the peace that only he can, I ask him to comfort her and reassure her she is safe and loved, I ask God to bless her each and everyday and show her his unfading love for her. But it's hard on a mommy..... I also ask the questions like "hasn't she been through enough?" "Why can't she at least sleep peacefully and not be scared?" But I know God has walked us carefully through each step of this process and has had each detail worked out to the good of Paislyn and I and I know he won't stop now. Paislyn freaked out going to the doctor yesterday..... She cried and pleaded with my mom and I that she didn't want any " Iv's or pokes or ouchies"...... Do you blame her? No.... But again it's hard to way as her mommy...... I want to take every fear or anxious thought she has from her, I want to take the pain she's received or remembered from her, I want to make sure she knows that she is safe and protected and most of all..... I want her to be filled with peace and be a beautiful fun little girl! I want her to run and play, sing and dance which she loves to do, I want to watch her learn new things, I want to see her grow to love and lean on God in all things :) Paislyns journey isn't over.... The hardest parts are over, but only God knows what's ahead for Paislyn. I have to remember that he loves Paislyn more than I do, which seems unimaginable. Sooo.... Being honest as Paislyns mommy the last weeks been hard..... At times it's been very overwhelming to know how to deal with all that Paislyn has inside of her.... Battling her emotions, her two year old fits ;), her fears and anxieties has been hard and frustrating for me at times. I also have a very spoiled little girl on my hands ....... Which I'm not complaining about because she deserves everything she's ever received, however I now need to find a balance for discipline because I love her .......of course there has been moments I've let her run the show because she's been in and put of hospitals and how do you get upset at a child with tubes coming out of their chest...... You don't....... So I guess right now I'm asking for more prayer... Please pray for Paislyn as she figures out all the emotions she has inside her and pray for Gods peace to invade her heart! Pray that she starts to sense the peace of being home and not having to go back to the hospital! Pray for guidance for this mommy as I try and continue to guide Paislyn to be the sweet and spunky little girl that God has called her to be. I know God has huge plans for Paislyn and I hope and pray God fills her heart with peace , love, and joy for the rest of her life! She's my world and I'm so thankful and blessed to be her mommy :)

I found this quote in my parenting devotional today and love what is says :)

"Our love grows soft if it is not strengthened by truth, and our truth grows hard if it is not softened by love." -- John Stott. 

"Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ. "      Ephesians 4:15