Today I got a pretty amazing surprise :) I got the greatest FaceTime call :) Today there was an amazing group of people who gathered together and had Team Paislyn T-shirts made and they walked in the 5k Color Blaze in Lima for my baby girl. My friend Shanda kept trying to FaceTime me and of course it was having trouble connecting..... But when it finally connected and I saw them all I immediately started crying. It took me by surprise and brought me such joy at the same time :) I couldn't believe all of those wonderful friends of mine came together to do something so selfless for my baby girl. I cry thinking about all the people who love Paislyn..... At how many people Paislyn has touched...it truly is incredible to me. I want to thank everyone that came and walked or ran for Pay today , I love you all soooo much and appreciate you all more than you know. It's so amazing how God has used each one of you in our lives and what a blessing each one of you are to me! You are all very special and loving people! I hope God blesses each one of you like you all have blessed me! Paislyn kept watching the video of all of you all saying " We love you Aubrey and Little Miss Miracle" over and over again saying "Go miracle" lol :)
On a totally different note....... I was thinking today, which you have lots of time to do in a hospital ha ha about how much God has worked in my life in the last 3 years. I was sitting talking to a heart mom in the playroom by myself today and as we were talking I said, " It's not really like me to just talk to people like I have been, Paislyn has really made me come out of my shell a lot." We'll for all of you that know Paislyn she is a people person and talks to everyone:) she played with like 5 new kids today in the playroom and I know God gave her the gift of loving and socializing with others for a reason..... However I was not given that gift :) Paislyn acts like my mom for All of you that no my mom haha they Are social butterflies :) but it made me sit back and think...... Of where I am now compared to where I was when Paislyn was first born... I wasn't strong enough to even stay alone in Paislyns room all night with her for her first surgery and sometimes now I look at the things I am doing and think wow thank you God for working in me to make me the strong mommy I need to be. I am more able to talk to people about Paislyn and other families and I know it's how God has worked in my life. He has given me a confidence in him and myself as a mommy of the most beautiful little girl who has Congential Heart Disease. Paislyns "special heart" has opened a lot of doors for me to meet a lot of "special people". I have been surrounded with so many heart families and friends and my family for support it is truly overwhelming at times. I mean do I really deserve all of this love and support??? It doesn't feel like it at times but WOW :) it's pretty awesome to see and feel! I can say this.... I am the most BLESSED mommy in the world to the most beautiful Paislyn, I have the MOST INCREDIBLE mom and dad and entire family, the greatest Pastor and church family, the most amazing workplace, the most thoughtful friends, and the most amazing heart families and I am so excited about the peace I feel and the place my life is headed..... And all the glory goes to The Lord!!!  I love all of you!! Thank you for coming along side me in this journey!

We're back?????

I'm not exactly sure how I feel at this moment..... Sad, worried, confused, happy, safe, secure, scared, angry........ Lots of emotions in my heart tonight. Five days ago I brought Paislyn home from Motts Children's Hospital thinking it would be the LAST time we would have to see or spend the night at that hospital...... Well we're back. Last night Paislyn was doing this little shallow breathing thing, she had done it before in the hospital so I thought It was  just due to her chest hurting for surgery. Well this morning she was doing it again and was crying.... I asked her to take deep big breaths for me and her answer was.... " mommy I can't breathe"..... Something you never want to hear your child say :( I ran her down stairs and then straight to the ER. Her oxygen saturations were in the 60's and 70's ... Not good at all. They immediately started doing chest X-rays and Iv's and giving Pay oxygen..... My world was falling apart at that moment. Is this really happening right now??? They called Michigan and got a plan together that I felt comfortable with.... They were going to intubate her so she was getting good enough breath which I was okay with.... I then heard them say life flight?? Paislyn needed to be life flighted to Michigan? My heart was breaking.... Why was this happening? Paislyn was perfectly fine a couple days ago .... Well here's what happened Paislyn has accrued a huge amount of fluid around her right lung. So much that she was not breathing correctly. They couldnt bring a helicopter because of the weather so they brought a U of M jet to get my baby. I wasn't allowed to ride with her which almost gave me a panic attack but was so blessed that my Pastor Randy Davis was going to sit with Paislyn until she left so I could get headed to Michigan. Pastor Randy not only sat with Paislyn but followed her to the airport and took pictures and comforted her when I wasn't there! I am so blessed by him! My family was right by my side and we headed to Michigan to meet my airborne lady! When they arrived They inserted a chest tube and TONS of fluid came out! I can't believe all what was in my baby's chest :( I felt guilty I didn't take her in sooner ........ I am so blessed that we are at U of M though... It's an incredible hospital :) but my heart is heavy.... I can't say there is much harder then to watch your child hurt, it hurts in ways you didn't know we're possible. As I watch my beautiful blessing laying on the table with a vent breathing for her it brings tears to my eyes. Tonight I have went to the place of why..... Why does my sweet little girl who has already been through so much have to continuing to feel pain and hurt? It's not fair....yes, I went there...but I can't stay there. I know why God has allowed Paislyn to go through what she has and I'm so thankful for everyone who is praying for Paislyn and who loves her so much and who have honestly walked this journey right along with us. It's been tough and although we've had a little set back I know Paislyn will OVERCOME and come out even better than she was before.... The world better watch out for Paislyn Nicole because God has plans for her that even I can't comprehend. Paislyn told me that " Jesus sat beside her during her surgery" and I know he hasn't left her side. I've cried a lot today, but tomorrow will be a better day :) I have a lot to smile about :) thank you all for continuing to pray for Pay... You don't know how much the encouraging words, messages, txt, phone calls mean.... God has placed you all in our lives for a reason. I'm not giving up, I'm fighting this fight with my baby girl and we WILL get through this:) she's my inspiration and I love her more than anything in this entire world..........please listen to Lord I Need You by Matt Maher... It's gotten me through a lot and is my cry to The Lord.....

http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=N-KM_zpwfr4&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DN-KM_zpwfr4

Mothers Day:)

Happy Mothers Day to all the mommies out there! I had a GREAT Mother's Day today. I wouldn't of changed a thing. My baby girl got me a pink coffee mug that said " Mom you Rock" and a very sweet card, also ( from my parents) a picture frame with our picture in it and candy and a sweet card, I got an Oragami Owl necklace from my mom and dad, and a beautiful heart necklace from my sister and brother in law! I was BEYOND BLESSED! The best gift of all was seeing my sweet Paislyn walk and play with her cousins today. As exhausted as I am I was so happy and excited to see her just WALK! I can't believe she had open heart surgery 4 days ago!!!! This journey has been crazy..... I look back at my blog from Pays last surgery and ya my life was different.... Different dynamics than this time around but it's crazy how God shows up on the scene of my life right when I need him. No matter the trial big or small God is there. I can't imagine going through a harder time in my life than i am right now and I want everyone to know....... I FEEL PEACE...peace that only comes from my Heavenly Father...peace that God has filled my heart with.

Today Paislyn has gotten her central chest tube removed, she also got her pacer wires removed. She is no longer hooked up to an IV, however she still has her IV in her neck so they can draw blood instead of poking her. Paislyn has walked for the first time today , and walked ALOT! She has played in the play room today for a long time with her cousins and smiled a lot today. She also has eaten a little bit today which is awesome! God is so good!! Pay is still very sore which is to be expected duh... Lol but I still hate seeing her hurt:( she is being such a big girl though and I am beyond proud of her! WE ARE ALMOST DONE!!!!! Almost done with the last surgery:) it's a feeling I can't explain :) good things are ahead in mine and Paislyns life...... I feel a peace about what God is trying to do In my life and ready for where he leads us! I couldn't be a happier or prouder momma today on Mother's Day! I have so much to be thankful for :) my baby girl is my world, and the best gift I have ever been given was on August 24th 2010 when I was given the gift of being a mommy :) please keep praying for a smooth recovery!!! :) love my lady!

I am one happy momma! Actually let me rephrase that ....... I am one BLESSED momma! God has shown me time and time again that when we rely completely on him and put our trust completely in him he will always provide. And he has provided a miracle in my sweet Paislyn. I have so many feelings in me but the most overwhelming one is THANKFULNESS:) I am so thankful that this is Paislyns last open heart surgery! WE ARE DONE!! As Paislyns surgeon came out to tell us she was done I couldn't hold back the tears..... We had done it, we have climbed the huge mountain that always seemed to big to even think about going over and it was that moment of relief and thanksgiving....God had brought my baby through not one, not two, but three open heart surgeries! As I sit back and think about the day when the doctor told me that my almost 3 week old baby probably wouldn't survive Her first surgery and see how far we have come I have only 3 words to say.......GOD IS GOOD! We've been given a gift, well many gifts through out this journey..... I have the most amazing little girl a mom could ask for, these amazing doctors have "fixed" my babies heart so she is able to live a full life, but my most important gift is this.... I have encountered God in a way that I would have never been able to if I had not been on this journey. God has made me fall flat on my face and put all my trust in him more times than I was ever prepared for. I have learned that Gods love and grace and mercy is more than we will ever need. He tells us if we fully rely and trust in him he will provide for our needs and wow he has done that for me!!!! Even in the small things God is there..... I can't tell you how happy my heart is!

Today Paislyn is doing great! She is not even 24 hours post op and she has been on the regular Peds floor since 11:30 this morning! She has been such a trooper:) late last night she got her vent(breathing tube) removed and this morning she got her folly (catheter) removed, her arterial line, and her IV that went straight to her heart :) She is suppose to get another one removed tomorrow :) I am so thankful for how well she has done! She was really thirsty and drank lots of water and apple juice but other than that she has pretty much just rested all day today, which is good :) She's such a strong little girl! I LOVE her so much! Thanks again for everyone's prayers! Continue to please pray peace over the "hospital stay" with our circumstances but I know God has that in his hands too :) I am a very thankful, happy, and Blessed Mommy :)

A Mommy's Heart

I'm going to start out by saying I TRUST GOD!!!!! But tonight my heart hurts ...... I am overwhelmed to think about my sweet Paislyn Nicole going through another open heart surgery on Thursday. I look into her beautiful big brown eyes and I couldn't love someone or something more than I do that little girl. She has changed my life more than I ever thought it could. I know there is so much prayer over Paislyn and we couldn't be more BLESSED to have friends and family who love us so much and who have supported us in so many ways. I am so thankful tonight for the doctors who are able to "fix" my baby girls heart and I'm so thankful that we will be at one of the best hospitals. I just am not looking forward to handing my sweet baby girl over...... Although Paislyns heart is not perfect anatomy wise it is perfect in my eyes.... She has the sweetest most loving heart. In the moments where she is playing and just looks up and says, " Mommy I love you so much" or when I am getting ready in the morning and she says, " Mommy you are beautiful" or when all she wants to do is sing "God of Angel Armies" or read " Jonah in the whales belly" in her Bible, or when I asked her if she wanted to bring her Dora book to the hospital the other day and she said, " No mommy I just want to bring my Bible.... It's those moments that take my breath away. Paislyn is such a beautiful little girl inside and out. She loves EVERYONE and is such a love bug. God is going to use her for BIG things someday, I am sure of it!!! But for right now...... Inside my "mommy heart" I'm struggling...... I'm being very honest and I'm overwhelmed at what all is going on in my life and thinking about my baby girl in surgery kills me. But this is what I KNOW.........God watched over my tiny 6 week old Paislyn in her first open heart surgery, He watched over my chunky 7 month old Paislyn in her second open heart surgery and WILL watch over my sweet and spunky 2 year old in her third open heart surgery! I am asking that everyone please keep flooding heaven with prayers for my baby girl and for peace in my heart :) I know everything will be ok and God has this all in control! I am trusting him with all things and especially my little girl! I ended my night putting my baby girl to bed and her asking me to sing God of Angel Armies with her........ I'm not sure it gets much sweeter......

As you are praying for Paislyn please join me in praying for baby Christian as he will be having his second open heart surgery the same day as Paislyns, please lift up his parents Hunter and Ashly Pauly as their hearts feel just like mine. Christian is an adorable and sweet little boy and God will protect him through his journey as well! I can't wait to meet this family someday! They are pretty amazing!!

Thank you all for everything you have done...So many people have Blessed me during this process in ways I do not deserve. You are all truly amazing and again I don't know where we would be with out the constant prayer from everyone. Thank YOU for PRAYING FOR PAISLYN :) She will always be my LITTLE MISS MIRACLE :)

"Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer. From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe."  Psalm 61:1-3

http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=qOkImV2cJDg&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch

3Fv%3DqOkImV2cJDg

"God of Angel Armies"

Praying for Paislyn

Well........ A month from today is the day! Paislyn Nicole will be having her 3rd open heart surgery. I have so many mixed emotions going through my head! I'm excited that my baby's heart is going to be "fixed", but I am scared to death. I sit and look back on the last 2 and a half years and am in awe of how God has shown his face in my life. Ya there has been tough times, but who doesn't have tough times? I've had times where I think I will never get through what I'm going through and then I not only get through it , but I see how God worked through me or the situation. No one can fully prepare themselves to watch their child go through surgery of any kind. It's hard, it hurts, and all you want to do is take your child's pain from them. They don't deserve to feel the hurt they have to go through....... However, God sent his only Son to die for our sins, and I look at Paislyns heart a lot of the same way. I am in no means comparing what God has done for us all and Paislyn, but this is what I have seen...... My precious baby girl has had her chest cracked open twice, been on a bypass machine twice ,on ventilators, had countless Iv's, shots, pokes, medicines, x-rays, echos, and countless other tests, and had to endure way more than a precious 2 year old girl should have to. But this is the way I look at it...... Because of the journey Paislyn has went on many people have seen and heard the grace and power of Jesus Christ. She will forever have a "pretty" on her chest to show the world that she has been broken, yet healed by the blood of Jesus. God has watched over and protected Paislyn in more ways than I have ever imagined. She is a constant reminder of Gods grace and love. She has opened people's eyes to God, and the way I see it is if that is what Paislyn has had to go through for that to happen then I am honored God chose my little girl for such a big task! I am trying to mentally prepare myself for Paislyns surgery.... It will be hard, but I BELIEVE AND KNOW that God is and always will be in control of this situation. I ordered the "Praying for Paislyn" bracelets and was OVERWHELMED at how many people wanted them. I am so incredibly thankful for the people God has put in my life to love and pray for my precious little girl. I can't believe how many people take the time to pray and think about Paislyn, but I want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart. Without so much support from everyone we would not make it through this! I also want to take the time to talk about my family. I have THE most incredible, supportive, loving family. My mom and dad have been there for me more than I deserve. They are always there to encourage and support me. I am so thankful God gave me such an amazing set of parents who love me and care for me through the good and the bad. They have stepped up on my behalf so many times and I can't thank them enough for loving Paislyn and I and being there for us every step of the way. I couldn't do this without them! My sister and brother in law are incredible. They love Paislyn so much and would do anything for her. They are there to encourage me, and love me through the hard times. Paislyn is blessed with such an amazing Aunt and Uncle. They have stepped up in so many different ways the last couple years and I'm so grateful for them! My brother is a phenomenal uncle and brother! Paislyn adores her Uncle Logie and he loves her just the same. His minimal but meaningful words of encouragement mean so much to me and I am so thankful for his support and love! I am truly BLESSED by my family each and every day, but I am also blessed by all of you that love us so much! You are not my family and are in now way required to care or love us like you have, yet you do...... We are so thankful for each and everyone of you! I ask that you all please continue to pray for my little lady! She is and always will be Little Miss Miracle! God made her heart special and someday I can't wait to explain to Paislyn just how much love, hope, faith, strength, triumph, and BLESSINGS........that came from that beautiful little scar on her chest.....

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"I Will Praise you in this Storm"

I haven't written a blog in a LONG time and I think I'm ready to start back up. Paislyn is doing amazing since her last surgery and I thank God everyday for her health! She is incredible; she is so smart, beautiful, sassy, inspiring, lovable, and independent. I thank God for giving her each of those traits because it makes Paislyn exactly who God made her to be. I am currently experiencing a "storm" in my life. Sometimes I catch myself saying. "Why me God?", but I know that God knew about this storm in my life long before it happened. He has prepared me to face it head on and live each day knowing God holds my tomorrow in his hands. It's hard when going through a time in your life when you feel that you have no control. I find myself crying, happy, sad , and excited all at the same time for the path I am on. I am so thankful that I serve a God that I know loves me for me and is there for me no matter what. On top of the "storm" I am facing, I received a phone call Friday scheduling Paislyn's Fontan ( her last open heart surgery).  I have to admit.... Friday was rough. I sat at my desk at work and cried and cried for a few minutes, when a friend came over, put her hand on my shoulder and asked if she could pray for me. I can't tell you what that meant to me. It's moments like these where life can get overwhelming, but I wiped my tears, said a prayer and told God that I thank him for being in complete control of this situation and my life. I Trust him in all circumstances and have faith he will see us through this "storm".  Tentatively Paislyns last open heart surgery will be mid April of this year. I ask that you please keep her and us in your prayers and pray that God shows his face at that hospital and protects my precious little girl through this last surgery. This last surgery will be a lot harder for many reasons, but I'm trusting God has it all under control. I can not worry about Tomorrow and just need to find peace in today. She is such a strong little girl and has done AMAZING through her surgeries and I know she will do just as well through this one. I am so thankful for everyone in my life who has loved and supported us through all of Paislyn's journey and am so grateful for each and everyone of you. I have had such incredible people reach out to me during this time in my life. A friend that I haven't even met has shown me so much love over the last couple months. Our babies are both heart babies and God had a reason to bring us into each other lives. They recently sent Paislyn an adorable Princess barbie and me the most beautiful and meaningful necklace to represent Paislyn's heart. I can't tell you Ashly and Hunter what that has meant to me in my life right now! Paislyn and I are incredibly lucky to have so many family and friends who love us! God is good and I will continue to put all of my faith and trust in him and him alone. My prayer is that he continues to watch over my sweet baby girl and hold her through this last surgery when I am not able. He has performed miracles before in Paislyn's life and I know he is going to do it again. Moments when I start to feel sad I take comfort in knowing God is my comfort and there are so many other people in the world who have it a lot harder than me! I am thankful and grateful for the life God has given me! Lord, I will Praise YOU in this STORM!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xGPS8sa-bRQ Praise you in this Storm!

^" Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."            Philippians 4:6

Paislyn Supporting Congenital Heart Disease Awareness!

My little DIVA

Mommy's Beautiful Necklace!

Me and My beautiful girl!

Paislyn Nicole!

I Love this little girl more than you know!

My beautiful ring My Gma Kathi and Gpa Bob got for me! Represents mommy and Pay's hearts!